chimpanzee riding on a segway

Low Style
“Chimpanzee Riding on a Segway” has become somewhat of a sleeper hit on YouTube when compared to the success of other videos such as “Movin’ Like Bernie”. It was first posted on March 5th, 2005 and it has since garnered 554,416 views1(Gripp). The video was originally taken from an unnamed Japanese reality show which prominently featured a chimp in overalls and a helmet riding around in circles on a Segway. This video was then set to Parry Gripp’s song “Chimpanzee Riding on a Segway” and it was subsequently posted on the web. It has always been one of my favorite videos because it is very funny in my opinion. I’ve been known to sing it as I walk around campus on my way to my next class.
Rhetorical Situation: The exigence in this piece is that I am trying to teach someone about the YouTube video “Chimpanzee Riding on a Segway”. My audience is anyone who hasn’t seen the video because I am trying to inform them about the video and my love of it. The constraint of the piece is my actual knowledge of the video (the audience expects that I’m knowledgeable about it because I am writing about it).

Middle Style
“Chimpanzee Riding on a Segway” is one of the best YouTube videos around; it’s a shame it has only gotten 554,416 views2(Gripp). It is one of my favorite YouTube videos and has been ever since my sister showed it to me a few years ago. How could anyone watch that video and not fall in love with that adorable chimp and his Segway? How could anyone watch that video and not want to give that brave little guy a hug3? It also helps that Parry Gripp’s song of the same name provides a wonderful backdrop for the video. There’s something about that chimp and his Segway that captures an essential element of modern American culture; even though the world may be bogged down by hatred, strife, and war, we can always find comfort in the random hilarity of a video like “Chimpanzee riding on a Segway”.
Rhetorical Situation: The exegence in this piece was that I was trying to figure out why so few people have seen the video even though it is a great video. My audience once again was anyone who hasn’t seen it or the people I have talked to who didn’t like the video. My constraint was that I had to provide a convincing argument as to why it was so ridiculous that so few people had seen the video or that so many people hate it.

High Style
“Chimpanzee Riding on a Segway” is far superior to the other garbage on YouTube such as “Movin’ Like Bernie”. Perry Grip outdoes himself with the music for this video; this is the best goddamn motherfucking song he’s written since “Bun Bun Bunny Bun”, “Cat Flushing a Toilet”, and “Up Butt Coconut”—That’s right it’s even better than fucking “Spaghetti Cat (I Weep for You)” (Gripp). . But forget about the song, it’s the video that really counts here. This chimp—oh god how can I ever put into words—is the epitome of beauty4. This chimp is the fucking Vanna White to my Pat Sajak5. I don’t know where I would be in life without the direction this courageous chimp provides me through risking life and limb riding around on his Segway. There is not a single day in my life where this chimp and his Segway doesn’t inspire me in everything I do; in every step, breath, thought, and even in every fucking peanut I break open his inspiration is present6. The best part of my day is when I finally get back to my dorm room desktop and get to watch that beautiful little chimp gracefully ride off and disappear into the sunset.

flirty girl fitness

Flirty Girl Fitness is about learning how to be sexy while maintaining a top- notch physique. Everyone usually asks Flirty Girl Fitness participants why they get involved with the program and it was Jennifer who said that it got her “in touch with the fun-loving, exotic woman within”. Tracy said it was because “ it really sculpts your abs into something sexy”. When I get asked this—and it happens quite often because I am an instructor--I usually respond with a combination of the two. But really any reason is acceptable for my students to have. As long as they’ve got a reason for being in my class, I say “Hey! That’s great, you’re welcome to be in my class.”

Every time that Richard Simmon’s puts out a new Sweating to the Oldies tape I am glad because I will get the chance to exercise to it, and I am upset because all of my students will start showing up to my classes with a jew fro, an ill-fitting jersey, and an unusually peppy attitude towards the workout. I admire Simmon’s work, its simple and effective, with lots of great dance moves, songs to dance to, and an elegance to it, like an 8th grade mixer. It takes me back to my days working out back in the seventies— back when I’d be sweating to “Great Balls of Fire” and other classics (instead being stuck with Rihanna’s “Rude Boy”). But this just doesn’t come out as being sexy when my students try to imitate it. Yes, yes, it’s great when Richard Simmons does it but not when anyone else does it.

Flirty Girl Fitness should never be done on Thanksgiving. You just can’t feel sexy after a Thanksgiving dinner. Your food baby (an almost inevitable consequence of a Thanksgiving dinner) is going to be larger than a bloated Eggo waffle. There’s no way you’re going to be exercising on the pole that day. Give it up. Ignore that guilt trippingly stern inner drill sergeant telling you that you have to work out. Trust me, why set your work out up for failure when you could just do it another day?